Lost in Reality.

My mind is lost! I am lost! Once again I have lost what I held so close and felt so happy for. Right now I am down to my knees, broken down to almost nothing. My pride still stands, my mind stays strong, but what good is it if my heart is close to empty. I feel so empty. And yet, maybe there is something out there to bring me back. When will it come to pick me up off my knees? A man should stand tall, looking at life with strength in his eyes. A man is told to never cry. But how can you resist such pain. I cried with pain inside, pain from reality. I cried as a man. I broke down because I suddenly felt lost. I lost. I lost because the reality is, the system is never fair. I lost because of how life is never fair. All I can do now is breathe, think, and wonder when it will be fair for me. I wait and wonder when the time will come where I smile for real, like I did before I was lost.

Too Much.

You start out as a person with no care. You show no care for the person you feel intimate towards, and that is a problem. You become a better man as time goes by. You care too much, and that is a problem. You connect with someone, and it is the best thing you have felt. You end up caring. You end up loving. You feel complete inside. You're actions come from what you feel and care about so much. Out of everything you have obtained, it wont last forever, and you know it, you expect it. You are who you are, and that is either never enough or too much. Your heart becomes stronger each moment you spend. Your heart is too strong to the point where you are weak and vulnerable. Your heart brings you down to your knees. You are lost. I am lost. I am on my knees. I am just too much, because my heart is too much.

Quantam of Solace: Two thumbs up!

Today my Mom and I watched James Bond: Quantam of Solace, and I must say, it is everything I expected, worth getting juiced on. So much action, good story, Daniel Craig is one of the best, he definitely is one of the top 3 best James Bond's, next to Sean Connery and Pierce Brosnan. Daniel Craig was crazy! He was just a stone cold killer. And the new bond girl, Olga Kurylenko is just too beautiful. I give it a 9/10, sooo much aciton, makes it feel short, but there is definitely going to be a third one. All of the James Bond movies were always different stories, but this one is all continuing, good stuff. A must see.

Reality.

When you put reality to the side, only thinking about it on your own time, you end up just making reality much harder than it is. Every night is like a reality check, it is like a slap in the face, and once you recieve that slap, you wake up and realize that life is limited to fortunes, but you have unlimited amounts of space for misfortunes. Reality...the reality is that obstacles are a part of life, we all know it, but inside we always ask ourselves "why is my life just full of obstalces, when do I get a break?" "When do I get a break?" "When?" The break I had was absolutely the best, the most comfort I have felt in quite some time. Break...that basically represents temporary time to me. Temporary is what it always is. It would be nice to find permanent, not necessarily permanent, but a long period of time. Time is what is limited, time is what needs to be taken advantage. When you do not take advantage of time, it slips away quickly, does not cooperate well with you. If I had more time and if it was given to me at a better moment, my heart would never have it's empty spaces.

Flower Like Life.

My life, pretty much like everyone else's life, is like a flower. Start with your personality, character...you in general. I was a person who displayed such a cold sense of character, character without care or doubts. I grew as time went by, grew in ways of self-improvements, trying to be a better person for myself and those around me. You grow, and finally after the times you have been through, you come to the point of being prepared to express yourself, with something that almost everyone can appreciate. And when you grab the attention of someone with what you have, you come to the point of perfection. The perfection for me...I found myself at a position of happiness, joy, and most of all...comfort. But do we last long? With what we have, does it last long? If something that brings joy to your life lasts long, we would feel perfect everyday, obstacles would be just a strong gust of cold wind that we would have to hold onto, but in the end, we stand with a smile. But the reality is, is that reality is never fair and is never the right feeling. The reality is, nothing stays beautiful forever, not even life. The reality is, we seem to only be happy or at least satisfied, in a dream world.

My Debut.

If many of you did not know, I am the new model/Spokesmen for Banana Republic x Fix Gear Biking x National Park Awareness. Just kidding, but I have always been Kenny's model, hahaha!

Gangsta BBQ 2008.

Once again, I had another bbq for my birthday, something the guys and I enjoy doing because its a time where everyone can get together again and have a few laughs. I got to the park around 8:30, to get a good spot and hold the fort down, and I did get a good spot! I must say this year was a success, more people came compared to last years, but both were fun. I cant believe I am now 22 years old, at first I felt as if nothing would feel different, but actually, while I was in Las Vegas for the actual date of my birthday, everything did feel different for me. Im starting to grow hair in really weird places now, hahaha! Anyways, this year about 15 people showed up, we had much more food than before but not enough Korean beef (f.y.i, I was on a tight budget.) Richard and I also bought some fresh oysters at the last minute. I also bought some potato salad from Costco, and the whole time I thought no one would eat it, but in the end, it was a big hit, everyone got their hands on some. And of course the weather was perfect, but like always it was very windy. Got lots and lots of pictures since Jeff got all juiced with Kenny's camera. Fun to look at I must say. All of the Gents. Jeff trying to kill Kenny. "Hey muscley arms." Only the good stuff, have to drink it with class of course. Beer! Give me strength! Everyone got all crazy excited when Tina was about to drink, which is actually really CRAZY, but she didnt. And of course, Jeannie would not shut up. Richard and I, doing what we do...being hardcore! Chris, getting all pumped up with testosterone and sausages. Audrey and I, doin our thang doin our thang. Jeff's tattoos, the sparrows represent our love and friendship, hahaha! If you didnt know, I am doing a "Big Brother For the Day" program, and this little guy is my little bro. What a trooper. Thank you Lois for the cake that you were suppose to make but you didnt! Oops, wrong bbq... ...here it is! Updated. After everyone split up around 6, Brian and I went to Hotel De Anza's lounge, and he bought me a birthday drink. Nice and relaxing it was, thanks Brian, real good pal you are. I am definitely going to miss this, the whole day was absolutely perfect, but then I cannot wait for the next one.